my brother is laughing at all the places he has chicken pox spots.
he is pointing out to me the one on his ear, and he tells me there are some on his butt and even his penis. i do not know what a penis is. i think that there is more to the chicken pox than just red spots. i ask him to show me.
he is pulling down his pyjamas, and he is pointing to a spot between his legs. i do not understand what i am looking at; i do not see a red spot. i see a strange tag of wrinkled skin.
i am running to tell mama.
she is upset and is telling him that papa will spank him. i am being ushered into the room my sister and i share.
my family and i are sitting at the table in the dining room, and we are eating the lunch mama made, in silence. i am thinking about school, and the uniforms we wear. i do not want to wear a jumper. i want to wear pants and a tie.
i ask my parents if i can wear pants and a tie. they tell me i am not allowed to. papa asks me why i want to be a boy. he warns me about lesbians.
i am in my parent’s bedroom, and i am alone. i close the door behind me, and take off all of my clothes. i look at myself in the mirror. i wonder what it means to be a boy.